Tag Archives: love

Blabbermouth

My best case scenario (A Prelude)

We’ve all been through the rough patches in life. I mean, sino ba namang hindi? At some point, we all came to a phase where we wanted to just give up and drop everything. Bahala na.

I couldn’t count by hand (and feet) how many times I was on the verge of giving up and just ending everything once and for all. But I still came through, every. single. time. I did learn important lessons though. And some techniques or perhaps mechanisms to halt disappointments and heartaches.

What’s your BEST case – WORST case scenario?

Everytime I get into difficult situations, big decisions, I always ask this to myself. And overtime, it has transformed me into a hardcore realist. It did have it’s downside though. My walls were way up and unreasonably robust but hey, it worked for me.

When my almost 12-year relationship ended, I was shattered. Ang hirap. Ang sakit. For lack of better word, it was a f*cking sh*thole! And if I’m gonna be honest, drinking, partying helped me cope and travelling helped me heal my grieving heart. Also, I had replayed the best and worst case scenario button in my head a million times. And then, out of nowhere, I bumped into a broken soul. It’s funny how fate led 2 freshly wounded souls (in short, parehong galing break-up) together. We began as friends – we talked, laughed, stress walked (we just walked and walked silently anywhere, thinking), and for most times, cried together. We became each others shoulder to cry on, sabay tugtog ng Scared to death at Wag ka nang umiyak (Ebe and Kz version, way before nag-trending yung kay Gary V) . Ang emo ng friendship namen. It felt like we were both in a severely destructive phase na anytime, puputok. And for those who didn’t know or understand what we were going through, and what we had, people simply assumed. At one point, we were even each other’s reasons for apparently breaking up with our partners hahaha. Nkklk! It was just a frenzy of emotions and hearsay. Ang gulo! Pero kebs nalang. What’s important is I/we just move on from this dark cloud over us para masaya na. Nakakapagod din eh.

After a few months, I got over the depression phase. I decided to head for the best case scenario and just move on with my life. And you know what, it is just one of the most exhilirating feeling ever – knowing you have fresh start. A clean slate. Freedom. And with my fresh start, I began falling inlove. Tricky at first, given both our history. I was hopeful, but never expected. Pero, akalain mo?

So there my friends, is the synopsis of how I got my best case scenario: unexpectedly, unintentionally, I found the love of my life. From 2 lost, damaged souls into starting anew into a lifetime of love. Funny how you find love in the most unusual time, place and circumstance.

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First picture: note the friendship gap

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My love ❤️

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Aca-sabihan

Love, Heartaches and Recovery

“The battle has finally ended. There were neither winners nor losers, what’s left was happy memoirs, dried up tears and bruises and new beginnings .”  -A.

I have tried so many times to put all my heartaches into writing but I guess I never had the courage to do so. And, more than a year later, here I am, still wounded by the past but healing, guided by my hard earned lessons and still chasing my new beginnings.

Eleven years, seven months.

Ten years LDR.

Skype sessions, viber conversations;

Every two years meet up, or if lucky, every year.

It was a long and winding battle we both had to fight and now, I can look back with a smile knowing we did a good fight for “us” to last. Nobody wanted us to be together, but we sure as hell showed them how determined we were. Family, friends, distance couldn’t get in our way. It should have been a really interesting and powerful love story ey? High school sweethearts, you and me against the world love affair; But, our story just had to end, cause despite withstanding all of the obstacles, all of those forces trying to break us down, we forgot to deal with our one true nemesis- OURSELVES.

 “She brought me to the beach and she pointed to the right where the Baltic Sea is. it’s a very beautiful and blue sea, and the current travels west. Then she pointed to the left, the North Sea, also very beautiful but the current travels east. And then she pointed to the middle and said: That is the perfect relationship. You can look to the left and you can look to the right and both seas are there, and they can meet in the middle but they never lose themselves in each other. They are always themselves no matter what” – Copenhagen

We lost ourselves. And in the process, we ended up hurting each other far more than we ever imagined; more than we ever wanted to. And when there was just too much hurt that at one point it already overshadowed all of the good and happy memories you’ve built together after all those years, you just have to breathe, accept the fact that there was nothing to fix anymore, that it was just not working anymore, gain strength and courage and then... let go. So I did. It wasn’t the easiest decision to make, but I thought that moment was when I felt I was at my bravest. I finally acknowledged that there was really something wrong, and we can’t just keep on coming back to square one. It became a never ending cycle and it made me feel sick. It was no longer doing me or him any good. It was no longer healthy.

The letting go and moving on part was a horrendous process, clinging on your dear life, wishing you won’t fall off the wagon with all those hopelessness and depression and end of life ideations. It felt like drowning in front of a lot of people yet no one can save you… But yourself. It wasn’t the best feeling in the world but it did get better, it does get better each day, one step at a time. It also gets better knowing which of the people around you truly cares.

I’ve kept mum for the longest time but now I could finally say with a happy heart that I’m on my way to full recovery (getting to the finish line actually😉)and that I wish you nothing but happiness and success cause you’re a good person and I know you deserve it. All the best! And as for me and my soul searching, I’m still discovering and seeing a new side of me which makes me more excited with life. I am more inspired now. I am more free. I am more me. I am … :)


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