Rehab

I have to confess, I’m an addict.

I’m sure each one of us has their own ‘addictions’ may it be illegal or legal. And as the term implies, it does give us this certain kind of need which is quite a struggle to kick out of the system, or in our day to day lives.

I have always loved drinking sodas- COKE to be more specific and it has become a part of my life and although I know how bad it is for my body, I still keep on drinking it anyway. Worst part is, it has become my water. I’ve grown to be dependent on it and couldn’t bear not having it everyday. Thank God, I haven’t had any medical problems as of yet but I’ve always been scared that one of these days, it will dawn on me.

Two weeks ago, I’ve made the decision to finally stop, or take a rest maybe. Call it a rehab I suppose. I may sound untrue but since then, I’ve been manifesting signs of true addiction. Like cigarettes and drugs(basing from first had stories), I’ve had these really really bad cravings of some sort, begging myself to actually have drink, or bargaining with myself of actually having some sip. How could one get into deep like that? I haven’t fully realised it till now. I’ve had this hypoglycemic feeling, and would have these shakes or however you may call it when I long for thee; I had this seemingly unquenchable thirst. It was a lot harder than I thought. It was truly a habit difficult to break. Many times I thought, hey, maybe a sip won’t hurt but I just had to discipline and remind myself how I’ve neglected my body all these years. Believe me, in the past 2 weeks that I’ve been doing this, I felt profoundly proud cause this is the farthest I have come. Please note that this is not the first time I have tried to coke-cleanse myself. The most I could do before was five days.

So what influenced this change? First would probably everything going around me at present. Maybe it’s just coincidence or paranoia but lately, people around me are being diagnosed with cancer, there were sudden deaths, and one that I dread most for some unknown reason, dialysis. I love life and I want to live it a bit more. I also know that although it is short, I wouldn’t want to spend most of my days being sick and in a deathbed. I already have MVP and Asthma so I don’t want to add any more to that.

I am still looking at different ways to motivate myself and hold on to this rehab for as long as I could. At times, I would think of rewarding myself with a glass but I know once I do that, I would just go back to square one. At present, I’ve been drinking water, and when the cravings are that bad, I drink juice and tea. I’m entering my third week soon and I couldn’t be more happy of myself for doing this. Hashtag certificate of self appreciation!

Blabbermouth

Of cocktails and whisky

I’ve never been a big fan of alcohol and I’d have to admit, up to now, I keep finding a reason to truly appreciate its taste. But, I do drink anyway, for the sole reason of having a good company and the authentic and uncensored thoughts that go with it.

As of this hour, I ‘ve downed a couple of shots already… Hence the blogging and pouring of English vocabulary. I find it amusing though, how a dose of alcohol can make you brutally honest and hold no barres in speaking out your mind. So what’s running in my alcohol influenced mind at this moment?

Earlier today, while the boys were busy gaming, the girls (including I) watched ‘Always be my maybe’ which starred Gerald Anderson and Arci Muñoz. I honestly thought it was a good movie despite the bad reviews I’ve read from way back. I think it’s mostly because I was able to relate from the story. It highlighted how 2 heart broken strangers found each other, became each other’s sort of best friends and then somehow, fell in love. Clichè but it happens. It happened to me you know?

Moving on, I go to the different choices I’ve made. I made mistakes and big life decisions in the past, and for a period of time, I questioned my self if it was right. Thankfully, with each day passing I become more and more convinced that indeed, as much as most of it took lots of guts and leap of faith, I believe I’ve made the right decision and don’t regret any of it. Some may not fully comprehend why, but I have my reasons. I know there’s no point explaining anyway.

I’m fairly drunk but still, I could decently type this. This type of night, I wish my friends were here. I’ve never been the type to just open up to anybody and I tend to cling to the people who’ve earned my trust. So now, yeah, I’m yearning for them. Unfortunately, were on different sides of the earth so I have go suck it in. Truly it’s hard to find ‘quality’ friends nowadays.

Blabbermouth

Don’t you ever get that nagging feeling to answer back, or just to share the other side of the story that most people tend to miss then ask yourself – what’s the point? Although fighting for your choices and decision is right, someone if not most will always question it; someone/some will always be hurt. And then what? Would we always adjust and base every decision from everyone’s opinion and reactions? Will it always depend on the people around and not you?