I have been raised by an overprotective and strict family. Di naman yung military/ cariñosa levels but yeah, I would have these limits that any youngster in a stage of exploration wouldn’t really appreciate. You can’t do this, that, pak, pak, pak. Gets ko naman yung rationale (especially now) but there were those days where I would just get  depressed and feel left out, caged, can’t spread my wings to fly butterfly ang drama ng lola mo and would just stare out the window listening for your call. Charot. I would feel fed up and wish na sana makarampa naman ako ng walang 137 missed calls+ 48 texts ng “Asan ka na? Uwi na“ at 8 o’clock in the evening (tapos umalis lang ako ng bahay ng 6:30 pm). 

Then, I moved here in the UK, it was a 360 degrees turn for me. Omaygad, FREEDOM! I used to despise the fact that I was consistently and always the one to go home first. Ang lungkot kaya mag goodbye habang asa climax ng kasiyahan. Saket bes. So when I migrated (naks!) I made sure na I would make up for the lost time. Bawi-bawi din pag may time. Parties, late nights, overnight, jusko. Naging kaladkarin ako mga besh. I made hella sure I didn’t miss anything this time. Yung wit na ako yung huli sa mga balita’t mga ganap kase, I was there. And it felt so good on my part. Eto pala yung mga namiss ko before, buti nalang I still have this opportunity to experience these now. So, this went on for probably a year. Aura lang ng aura. Trabaho hard, lamyerda and party harder. 

And then just like that, FIN!

Napagod din pala ako. I feel like after going so hardcore, I am finally over that stage. Transition agad ako teh, and now medyo asa Adulting stage nako. This one’s tricky though. Kasi, bukod sa kinabukasan ko na ang nakasalalay dito, nakaka haggard din siya. Eto, napasulat tuloy ako dito cause lately I’ve been, I’ve been losing sleep. Charot ulit. Lately, napapagod narin ako. Ano pa ba next stage ng adulting at parang I want to skip to the next chapter na. It is exhausting mga beh. Jusko dati lovelife lang prinoproblema ko, oh kaya naman anong isusuot ko, or lalafangin ko. Ngayon, currency exchange na, Brexit, Donald Trump, De Lima, si Mocha uson blog  at ang kinabukasan ng Pilipinas. May budget ka nang inaalala. Yung sahod, dadaan lang sa bank account mo then directly debited to pay for rent, bills, food, pang kilay, padala sa Pinas. Andami ng responsibilities, minsan I feel like a poser, pretending to know what I am doing where infact, lost na lost din naman ako. I’m still figuring everything out and I know kulang pako sa diskarte sa mga ganap. 

Nakakapagod maging Adult. Pwede rest muna for like 5-10 years?   

Aside from reminscing, I love looking at timehop/facebook memories cause they remind me of my spur of the moment thoughts that I now live by each day. 

Bank shift. Break time ko.

Bankera pero in charge ang lola mo. Infairness, namiss ko to. I love taking care and talking to patients. I don’t mind being busy. Mas gusto ko yun actually pero, ginive-up ko ang ward life because a.) stress wasn’t worth it. Laging undestaffed, overworked. Sobrang daming demands na hindi ka na maka keep up.

b.) walang support ang ward from the higher ups. Hingi ka ng rescue, sasabihan kang there’s no other way. You have to cope. No one is coming

c.) politics. Gusto kong ikwento yung buong ganap, pero sabihin nalang natin na, anu’t ano pa man, bansa nila to.

d.) pagod nako makipag away. Ilalaban mo yung staff mo, yung ward mo. Kokontrahin yung mga unnecessary at impertinenteng pinapagawa nung mga bossing.

From these, napunta ako sa sobrang opposite. 8-6 job, weekend off. Panalo ang workmates, mas panalo ang nature of work. Madaming isip isip, mahabang tayuan, mabigat ang trays pero walang hugas pwet na ganap. Walang mapanghi, walang mabaho. Walang sumisigaw, walang nagrereklamo. Uuwi kang fresh at mabango at hindi mainit ang ulo.
Pero alam mo, narealise ko. Hindi ito ang gusto ko. Hindi ko nakikita ang sarili ko na ito ang gagawin ko ng long term. Parang may hinahanap parin ako. Parang may iba parin akong gusto.