2023

As the new year looms, matic na yung may pa year-end look back sa mga ganap. I need to make sure na I write something kasi this year was a turning point. Charizzzz

Over the last few years, my health has been on a sort of decline. I’ve had scares, endless hospital trips, tests, appointments at kung ano ano pa. What I didn’t like was spending days as in-patient. I hated being a burden to anyone, especially to my husband.

After my last admission in September, I did everything in my power to keep myself well. Sa madaling salita, itinatawid bawat buwan. Come spring, I had more energy (but still.. symptomatic). So when the boys were planning a camping trip, I thought of giving myself a break (and a reward too) and go for a solo trip. Paris was a no-brainer. Malapit, madali, mura.

Kaso yung 4 days, naging overnight. From Eiffel tower to A&E real quick! Yung thought process ko, mas mahirap maadmit dito, di ako marunong mag french. So, booked another flight then uber direcho sa hospital. I was an emotional wreck, bordering desperation kasi, pagod na talaga ako sa pinagdadaanan ko. Eventually, I had to make an extremely difficult decision (na talagang umiiyak ako sa mga doctor) and opted for something that I have been trying to avoid but will put me out of my misery. Pinagpasa diyos ko nalang, bahala na.

Dahil sa eksena ng April, all I wanted to do for the rest of the year was to be as carefree as possible, trying to make up for the things I missed or didn’t get to do much whilst unwell. Thankfully, napaka supportive ng asawa ko. He accomodated all my requests lalo na sa travel/roadtrip and truly took care of me. He was always positive and encouraging me and ang cheesy pero he was really my rock, and tigas mo bro charizzzzz

On a lighter note, despite the hard times, meron din namang pinaulang blessings. Both our careers blossomed, and I was able to achieve my personal career goal. Very fulfilling cause this is something that I worked hard for, and something na ako. I enjoy working and I like doing my own thing, yung matatawag kong trinabaho ko para sa sarili ko. Same with the hubs, who left the nursing world for a new industry. We have our joint goals but at the same time, we are also working on our individual goals/improvements. I know that in the future when we look back on this, mabibigyan namin ang isa’t isa ng certificate of self appreciation.

This year din, we started a new fitness journey. Opo, nag gygym na kame and di na stockholder ang role namin na tiga bayad lang monthly. We’ve been taking regular classes and using the facilties as often as we can and so far, we can really feel the difference. Nakakatuwa yung endurance ko nowadays and i love boxing. Lahat ng inis at galit ibubuhos sa bag or sparring partner lol. Very therapeutic.

For the first time in a while, I am actually excited to welcome the new year. I have so much hope and motivation within me, and at the same time I am wanting to achieve more for myself, and my family. Also, totally unrelated pero share ko lang din na I have switched to digital bujo/planners this year and nakaka happy magdrawing/sulat ng kung ano ano with matching pictures and graphics and stickers para full experience with evidence yung mga ganap.

To close this, just in case may nagbabasa nitong random hanash ko, hope you have a blessed new year. Dasurv natin ng happiness, good health and a fruitful life. Create and collect more memories kasi balang araw, iyan yung mga babalikan mo.

To myself, sipagan mo pang magsulat at i-document lahat kasi, you always find a sense of comfort re-reading / rewatching these. Enjoy life ❤️

Aca-ganapan, Aca-ntahan, Aca-nthoughts, Acan’t Forget, Blabbermouth

Acantahan: FINCH!!!!!!!

Ahhhhhhhhh!

Sorry, super happy lang. okay, ikekwento ko ng maayos. But, as usual, just for background.

I was in high school when I first heard of the band – Finch. Kumbaga, tapos nako sa pop/ hip hop and RNB era so I was starting to dabble into rock, metal, hardcore, screamo, punk music na purely influenced by people around and close to me. Since medyo rebel girl din ang peg ko during that time, parang akma sa theme ko yung mga rockers ang tugutugan so kinareer ko naman.

So ayun nga, when I heard Finch, natuwa ako. Kasi may growls and all pero teka, may kanta padin. May tune, melody ek ek and, may laman ang lyrics. Weird ba na tandang tanda ko kung pano yung gigil na pindot sa volume ng grey na stereo pag plinay na sila. Tapos, sa mga battle of the bands, suki din yung mga kanta nila. Plus, yung mga bet ko talaga before yung mga rockers/skater/banda na siga look so benta sakin si Nate.

Years later, I still listen to their old songs. Pag nasa sigawan mood din ako, top 2 ko na yang what it is to burn at three simple words. May mood din na gusto ko lang pakinggan yung letters to you in acoustic tapos tatry alalahanin yung kaisa-isang alam kong kantang tugtugin sa gitara – na actually, diko nadin maalala ngayon so waley.

Fast forward to 2023 – my cousin sent me a link to their concert and they’re touring pala to celebrate 20 years of the What it is to burn album. I checked the venues and sakto may LDN. Of course, naexcite ako but, didn’t book right away kasi adulting. So I just made a mental note na I need to revisit my decision by November. And then Nov came, and kahit papano, nakaluwag luwag naman charing so I asked the hubs if I can go – emphasis in ‘I’ kasi he didn’t know the band and ayoko naman i-drag siya sa mga trip ko and also worried nadin na baka di niya maenjoy. But being the gentleman that he is, he offered to go with me.

Wednesday – looong day at work and sa pagod ko nakaidlip din ako sa train OTW to Kentish Town. Good thing the weather was tolerable and it wasn’t raining so wala namang hassle. We got there half an hour before the doors opened and the queue wasn’t that bad too. It was also comforting having to attend a concert and seeing people na alam mong ka-age bracket mo. Nakakatuwa lang na yung crowd will probably be like me, reminiscent of our younger selves.

It was my first time sa O2 Kentish town and I think it was the perfect venue for this. It’s a bit smaller in size compared to the other o2’s but gusto ko yung intimate performance feels. I also got the balcony tickets and seated siya so super sakto for my aching body parts. Di ko na kaya sa mosh pit and mga slamman.

I still knew every song guys. As in the whole setlist super kanta ang lola niyo. It was also surreal to see and hear them live kasi part sila ng kabataan ko, ng core memories. Habang pinapakinggan ko sila, parang I felt a sense of comfort cause it reminded me of home. Haaaaay ❤️

Anyway, here’s their setlist!

And of course, the memory hoarder in me took some videos kasi gusto kong balik balikan tong experience na to AND gusto ko din maanoy sa boses ko lol.

Aca-ganapan, Acan’t Forget, Blabbermouth, Lamyerda Diaries

Clearing Ops: 22:48 (10 | 2021)

Do you ever miss your old self?

I miss my ‘young, wild, not free but still crazy’ era. I have been looking at old pictures and videos and grabe, I had so much energy. So much life. So much light. So much fun. It’s like I knew that by the time I’d hit 30, I will more or less be tired and my introvert self will take over so ayun, sinulit.

One favourite memory: filed under year 2009, this photo resurfaced. I can recall parts of that night and the rest, well it’s self explanatory. This was roughly a month after the nursing boards – went to Manila. Met up with friends, nag Star City, nag- tambay, anxious with the exam results, heartbroken (7-year itch), basically trying to figure out what’s next. It was such a confusing stage. Next thing I know, napasarap ang kwentuhan, napadami ng bucket at sisig hence, this. My tita self is cringing – ang dumi dumi jan ghorl.

This was me, drunk. But for the record, not drunk enough to be sleeping on the grass ha. Acting lang yan, then unli tawa after. This was a loooong time ago but still feels fresh in my mind. I guess it wasn’t anything grand but the feeling of comfort lang to be with friends during that time really stuck to me. Fun times mga bords (Anye and Chy). <3